the perfect publican

back from a weekend in chicago. highlights include a flight of oysters at the publican; a midnight old-style at the Evanston VFW; an after-party with tony, patty and the brothers mitchell; a saturday evening stroll down to belmont harbor (next time we find ourselves in the city, we’ve decided a group picnic is in order. any takers?); an early morning  yoga class (taught by a sweet little french man) at heaven meets earth yoga on central street in evanston; and the most delicious, custardy, vanilla-y, baked french toast to have crossed my lips – baked by the talented hands of the lovely patty mitchell.
Photo: Belmont Harbor Photographer: Matt Hamilton
i’ll leave you with this poem – author unknown – that i spotted hanging behind the bar at the publican. andy’s dad pointed out that it would be a fantastic selection for a recitation project.  if i ever opened a public house or a restaurant, i think one of the criteria for my employees would be to have the ability to recite this poem on command.  kind of like the boy scout law.
The Perfect Publican

A Publican must be an Autocrat, an Acrobat, a Doormat. He must be able to entertain Prime Ministers, Pick-Pockets, Pirates, Philanthropists and Police – and be on both sides of the Political Fence – a Footballer, Golfer, Bowler, Tennis Player, Dart Champion and Pigeon Fancier.

He has to settle arguments and fights, he must be a Qualified Boxer, Wrestler, Weightlifter, Sprinter and Peacemaker.

He must always look immaculate when drinking with Bankers, Swankers, Commercial Travellers and Company Representatives even though he has just stopped a beer- throwing contest in the Public Bar.

To be successful he must keep the Bars Full, the House Full, the Tanks Full, the storeroom Full and NOT get himself Full.

He must have Barmen who are Clean, Honest, Quick Workers and Thinkers, Non-Drinkers, Mathmeticians, Technicians, and at all times be on the Boss’s side the Customer’s side and stay on the inside of the Bar.

It is said that the Publican: Home-wrecks, takes Weekly Wage Cheques, in other words Saturates, Confiscates, Deteriorates and Propagates.

To sum up: He must be Outside, Inside, Offside, Glorified, Sanctified, Crucified, Stupefied, Cross-eyed, and if he is not the strong silent type there is SUICIDE.



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